I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
