Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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