She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How drunk are you?
Completed.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
