Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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