I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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