it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
