On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
