How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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