I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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