The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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