I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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