theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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