also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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