Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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