Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
