i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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