If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
