Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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