i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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