worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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