I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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