My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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