The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
