Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I want is dick and wine.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
