She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
