I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
