took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
