I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
