Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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