ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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