I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You pole danced in your parka.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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