Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
