that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
