how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
