So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
