I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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