I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
