none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We named our party play list daddy issues
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
