Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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