Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
