No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
