are you still at the devil's house?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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