Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She's just so happy...and so naked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
