he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
