I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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