That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you win again, gameday.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
