so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
