ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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