zippers are such a cool invention
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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