How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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