North Korea, Best Korea!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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