my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
