Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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