I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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